 (Nick Galifianakis for The Post) | Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I think my girlfriend of several years is on the verge of forgetting about my birthday Saturday. Either she is James Bond with the smokescreen she is putting up to surprise me or she's making outside plans without me that day. Our relationship is otherwise solid, so there is no angsty punishment going on. For better or worse, she is pretty self-focused, so forgetting my birthday would not be out of character and covid isolation has strained her social relationships, so she's been wanting to "get out" more, such as she can, so her making plans is also not unusual. These are parts of her personality I've accepted. She also is a horrible liar, so the James Bond scenario seems unlikely. So, I'm wondering, at this point, is it better to let things play out on the off chance there is a surprise in the works? The worst case here is that she enjoys the weekend, then feels bad when she realizes her oversight. That feels passive aggressive, but playing out other scenarios in my mind, it seems like the best case. Worst cases are me ruining a surprise, her not enjoying her chance to get out because she feels bad, or both of us not enjoying a hastily pulled together plan that rests on something she feels bad about. — Birthday Person |
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