| In Monday's newsletter, we asked if you've been able to pare down your family's things, furniture, sentimental collections, gadgets and tools, and if you have, for you to share some words of wisdom. Every Friday, we plan to share the best feedback from the Bold School community. And boy, did you all deliver. (FYI: It's never too late to send in your tips! Submit your advice for emptying out your empty nest here. We may feature it!) I especially liked a few techniques that you adopted: Liese figured out that "having something exciting to look forward to [like moving] really helps." Shannon's ideas to "1) get rid of a bag of something every time a donation truck is in my area and 2) get rid of a minimum of two pieces of clothing for every new one I hang up," will get results. And for any doubters, Tom offers the following: "It's like when you finally decide to lose weight. It took a while, but there it goes." You all also sent us some fantastic resources. Need a little extra motivation? Anne recommends reading The Cozy Minimalist and AARP's Downsizing the Family Home. Want to make some money? Bold School readers suggest MaxSold, Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist and eBay. I also endorse checking out Chairish. Not worried about that? Goodwill and Freecycle are good starts, and depending on the item, you all also suggest donating to local churches, schools, shelters, police stations and prisons. (See the must-read below for smart "nos" on donations from reader Karla.) I knew we had a lot to learn from each other. Below you'll find a few more of our favorite reader submissions, edited for length and clarity. Be ruthless"It was about five years ago when we decided to move to another state for retirement. We decided to move ourselves, so we could only take what would fit in a U-Haul. We gave most of our furniture to our oldest child, who was establishing his own residence, then we held an estate sale. We got rid of almost everything except what we loved, and the only sentimental things we kept were things that our kids said they would like after we passed on. Knowing we had a limited space for everything made us ruthless. And we made some money for our future life." — Chris, 65 "I'm transitioning my whole horse and home operation from my farm, Lenah, to my new farm, Pelham. It's been overwhelming. Keep? Sell? Ditch? So here's what I came up with. I am only allowed to keep things that I absolutely adore: a horse, a photo, a hat rack; doesn't matter. I have to love it utterly to keep it. I also allow myself to keep things that I need right now. A certain bridle or the red leather couch — yes. That huge copper pot I might want to use sometime? Absolutely not. Am I maybe dumping some valuable s---? Very likely, and I do not care. This method has been so freeing. I'm going to keep using it for my whole life. I ain't rearranged much old furniture yet, but I shall." — Michele, 64 "The estate sale taught me that most of our stuff isn't worth much (especially furniture). That's made it much easier to let things go. I am determined NOT to repeat the pattern of passing this responsibility onto the next generation. The buck stops here." — Jill, 62 "Both of our kids kept telling me they had no space for their stuff. One weekend, I invited both over for a cookout. Upon arrival, I handed them a shoe box and said: 'Put your best sports memories there. The ones you'd want to share with your kids some day.' Now if I could only get them to take the shoebox… " — Janet, 59 "This is a subject near and dear to my heart. An eye-opening book called Swedish Death Cleaning got me started on wanting to dump everything. A friend and I took two weeks and cleaned out everything but what I can eat, wear (and not very much of that), or sleep on. It is the most freeing thing I have ever done. Gone are the books I have toted around for years, and I'm one of those people who reads two or three books a week. E-books from the library take no storage except on the computer." — Sandy, 80 To have a bon voyage, say bon voyage"The first time, it was to go sailing! We sold most of our things in three moving sales, which let me work toward letting things go. Twenty years later, we are thinking of moving to Europe, so we will sell what we can and give away the rest. Take it slow, but having something exciting to look forward to really helps. Even if we stay stateside, we want to live smaller because then our savings goes toward travel rather than the maintenance of a larger space. It's determining goals for the next 10 to 15 years and then working toward them. Hanging onto things doesn't help us reach those goals, but passing them on to others will. Ten years ago, when I was diagnosed with cancer and sitting in my hospital room, I didn't think of things, I thought of all the experiences we had had. That showed me that it's experiencing all you can in life that is worth more than what you own, where you live or how much money you make." — Liese, 59 Think before you donate"I volunteer at a local nonprofit that provides low-income families with gently used furniture and household goods which have been donated. I sort through mounds of donations, usually from decluttering and sometimes from downsizing. Please do not donate grungy and broken items thinking some desperate person may want them. A cloth napkin with stains, or a measuring spoon set with spoons missing, or faded socks, or a Keurig missing some parts are going to the landfill or cloth recycling (and they are overloaded as well). Stop buying so much that is just decorative or cheap. Visit an estate sale or Goodwill and buy things you need. We have a recycling crisis. Learn how to recycle correctly and put the rest in the garbage. I could go on and on. There is so much need for working appliances, towels that are still in good shape, clean mattresses, sofas, dressers, dish sets that can be put in a dishwasher or microwave, spatulas and sheet sets, especially queen. Donate these items when you are upgrading or redecorating. And be thoughtful about the rest." — Karla, 69 Keep it in the family "Each grandchild received a carton of my precious 'stuff.' Each piece was noted with an explanation of the family or travel source and passed to the grandchild most likely to appreciate it. And they have! It was great fun to be with these young adults as they opened their 'treasure boxes.' And I was amazed to find that my grandson was the most enthusiastic over his piece of 'family silver!' " — Sue, 83 "It's easy to [pass down] the 40-year old Christmas tree star when your granddaughter thinks it's the most beautiful star she's ever seen. As we age, it's good to free ourselves (and our descendants) from all the various accumulations of life. What's left is what really matters." — Michele, 69 ... But think about the family, too"It was hard for my husband, but what really triggered us to get into action was this question: If something happens to us at the same time, who will have to do all this? Response: our daughter. Then we thought, is it fair that our kids have to do all this? It is our job, it is our responsibility, so we took action. At the end of this decluttering and cleaning process, I must tell you that I loved it! I found my calling!" — Olga, 62 When in doubt, spread it out"[Selling items on] Facebook Marketplace is a godsend. Local church to help resettle a refugee family. Consignment shop for crystal and silver. Books and CDs donated to a library sale. Town yard sale for remaining stuff. And church thrift shop for anything left over. Only the old mattress went into the garbage truck. Living with less is so liberating! Why did I wait so long?" — Sandy, 64 "I am not comfortable donating or just tossing out some special things, so my new plan is to devote a space in the garage to place things and invite all our friends and family to take whatever they can use. So far it's working. It's fun to be able to share our things this way." — Robby, 75 Make a tradition of it"Every year, we use the period between Christmas and New Year's to attack one room, taking everything out and throwing away what we don't want or need. The rule is, if you wouldn't buy it in a store today, it doesn't need to be taking up room in the house now. For the big jobs, we bring in an organizer, who doesn't have a sentimental attachment to anything and forces us to make the hard decisions. Our smaller house gets bigger every year!" — Tom, 61 "I am not someone who finds joy in getting rid of things, especially things that have sentimental value. However, one day I decided that I would go through boxes while watching a football game. My husband brought the boxes to me, provided moral support and lugged all the donations and trash out to the garage. It felt like a really productive Sunday afternoon and I plan to do this again." — Jean, 59 Grant yourself permission to lean into sentimentality"My daughter and I are re-purposing her high school and college T-shirts into quilts. Going through them remotely using FaceTime has been a marvelous walk down memory lane." — Linda, 70 "We moved from our home of 25 years for a new job. ... It was a traumatic event for me, all the memories, the history, the events that took place in that home that I had to deal with as my husband had left to begin his new job. ... I cried a lot when I started the process, but ultimately it was cathartic. I wish I knew then what I know now, that one can live a life without accumulating that which has no redeeming value in the end." — Teri, 60 "Stuff links us to the past and the people we care about. If you have something that evokes strong good emotions, then keep it. If that thing reminds you of a sad or bad time in your life, get rid of it. If you've lost a child or a spouse and have kept their room as a shrine, get counseling to sort out your feelings and when you are emotionally able to, let go of the stuff. When I got divorced, I took some things but over time it has all gone away because it doesn't evoke happy memories for me. My father died when I was 16, and ultimately my mother gave me an antique rocking chair that was his favorite. In fact, it was the last place I saw my dad alive. I hung on to that chair for decades before finally giving it to my son. My dad lives on in my heart." — Mary, 66 There isn't always an easy answer, and that's okay"My children's things are long gone from the house (thankfully, they do keep in touch). But it has been 244 days since I lost Desiree, the absolute love of my life. I'd say getting rid of grown kids' clothes and toys is — pardon the pun — child's play compared with disposing of items imbued with such loving memories, that they seem to be packed with our commingled DNA." — Alan, 78 "Being part of the sandwich generation has meant that my dad downsized from a two-bedroom condo, to a one-bedroom senior-living apartment, to a studio, to an even smaller studio in assisted living. My sister and I were faced with distributing about a century's worth of things that belonged to our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents. We did what we could to allocate things to our kids — but the two youngest each live in small apartments with roommates. Their stuff is cluttering the garage and my daughter's old room (two years after she moved out, it is serving as our "junk" room), along with the stuff I had to take (my sister is great at laying on the guilt about keeping this stuff in the family and my husband usually agrees with her — plus he refuses to pay for a storage space). The result is even more clutter and no good way to deal with it." — Donna, 63  | See you Monday, when Suzette will tackle the occasionally awkward reality of working for a boss who's younger than you. In the meantime, be sure to forward Bold School to a friend (or three?) and invite them to join us. They can sign up at anytime and start with Lesson 1 the following Monday. |
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